NODE
Dec 29, 2020
Forget COVID. Houseplants are the current epidemic keeping us shut up at home, and our bank accounts high and dry (too soon for coronavirus jokes?)
Here at NODE HQ, we're experts when it comes to being addicted to houseplants. After all, we each have collections numbered well into the hundreds at home. In fact, we would hanker a guess that every other person who pops into our space in Lyttelton suffers from the addiction too. Don't worry. You've found your tribe. And as we like to say, there are plenty of worse things to be addicted to than exotic plants, right? RIGHT?
Anyway, here 20 sure-fire signs that you're totally addicted to houseplants just like us. Welcome to the club!
Plants take priority when it comes to light at home. At a glance, you can tell immediately what plant belongs where and know the directions your windows face for optimal plant growth. It's a real skill that definitely belongs on a CV.
That is, of course, if you haven't accidentally murdered them all.
I'm looking at you philodendron gloriousum. Glorious, spendy, and so totally worth it. No regrets. Fancy cars can wait.
Whether you can pronounce them correctly is an entirely different story. Anthurium crystal-i-num? crystal-in-e-um? Crystal-um? Who cares? Close enough and plant people generally know what you mean, right?
True story.
You gotta put your plants somewhere, and most of us end up with shelf or three, chocka stocked full of our green babies. After all, aren't houseplants happier grouped together?
Listen, you learn by doing. You learn how to look after a string of pearls after you've killed two. It's a fact. And maidenhair ferns suck. We all know it.
The great catastrophe of the "aphids hurricane of summer 2020" shall never be forgotton.
And then you just laugh, and then continue to bring plants home and put them up with all your other plant babies hoping he/she/they won't notice. After all, what's another 3 on top of 176?
"Oh hey, me again. Have any new goodies arrived in the back? When's your next FLF restock?"
True plant addicts have their own custom soil blends mathematically composed and hidden in a top secret vault that's DEFINITELY not a highlight reel on our Instagram Stories.
I remember the days when I used to get bi-monthly mani-pedis. Now my hands are borerlined calloused and it looks like I play in the mud for a living, which I guess I kind of do.
*Deep breath* you got this. Call a friend for moral support. Snip, snip, snip. Dip in cloning powder. Pop in the prop box. Back away and obsessively check for roots 3 times a day for a month. Don't worry, we've all been there.
Any takers? I've got two kidneys, and can definitely spare one. Slide into my DMs.
"Oh yes babe, this new Variegated Thai Monstera from the Plant Project was a gift from my mom. So generous, right?" Quietly shreds credit card statements in the background.
It's 8am on a bloody Saturday morning, and you're in line for the new release of a philodendron minima and you think you recognize at least 3 other people from plant FB groups. Oh hey!
And you're active in all of them, even if you are actively watching crazy drama unfold, popcorn in hand.
If you know, you know.
Honestly, malls do NOT deserve to have FLF's anymore. They've lost that privelage.
Listen our exotic babies need a little bit extra love that is definitely not found in our South Island climate.
How many of these do you tick off? Are you addicted to houseplants too? Spil!